Zende'Bad

Million Different People---

2011-09-30T05:57:00.000-07:00

I fire the shutter of my life, feel it sing in my blood, hum in my ears, till image fades and my hand turns cold around my axis. My body stowed, I carry on, find an anchor in each step as best I can. Constantly searching for patterns that repeat, life that flows, movements that keeps me reaching, undercurrents that defines my frame. Constantly on a lookout for shadows, reflections, those admired juxtapositions. I am about tangible memories, unexposed thoughts, of frames and chaotic color palette, of rich blacks and whites, of human beings who form the essential part of my space, of lines and curves, of my perspective that is complete yet so Incomplete...of noises....and voices....

ZZZZ

2011-06-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

BASTER!

Road Less Travelled

2011-06-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

Micro seconds; few seconds; mins of boredom! Seconds of life! Few seconds of breathing! Minutes! Minutes of inhaling! Deep breath! Thoughts! Some more thoughts! Pause--

Hours of thinking! Hours breaking up into seconds! Seconds breaking into micro seconds! Micro seconds making up an inch of minutes! Minutes of life! Minutes walking back into the woods! A long walk....stepping back in life...glimpse of what I had and what I couldn't have! Stepping back an inch further and more is what I see...more....more of what I haven't seen.....

The Lost Woods- Part 1

2010-10-15T03:18:00.000-07:00

Sitting in an upscale office in Mumbai's chaotic space, I wonder what made me in the city. Was it my passion, my dream or only money? Was it security? Was it progress driven competition? What was I trying to prove or was it necessary to prove anything? Was it one mere step to come out of my comfort zone and show my people back home that I choose to walk even if that means walking alone?What and most importantly- to whom? How did it all happen? Seems like yesterday. Having taken a firm decision to move out of the typical classy Delhi to a classier Bombay; which most of us assume it to be, in search of creative 'something' which was supposed to be cooked in my own celluloid recipe just to take the form of a 'Film' or in literal terms 'Cinematic Delicacy'. I remember picking some clothes and stuff, dumping in an old rugged green bag, some 3800 bucks earned out of hard work on Oye lucky Lucky Oye's shoot in Delhi, some biscuit packets bought to keep me going through the day, a small mineral bottle hanging out of the side pockets of my bag, hair tied up in a mess but 'mind'very much in control. I hugged my family and told them I wont let them down even though they were so very scared of allowing me to venture in an untouched unknown space. The only way I could convince them was to tell that it was too late to stop me since my wings took the flight early when I joined a Film School. I had all the inhibitions of the earth and yet knew that I had absolutely nothing except for a blank but brand new 'piece' of mind and a constant urge to make it big in the field of Cinematography. I was fortunate enough to believe in myself, not to forget I still do. Those were counted and well managed steps leading upto this 'maximum city'. It took me no time to realise that there sure was something about this place, it does nothing great to you and yet allows you to think freely. Coming from a background that involved working for money, I knew job would not be tough even if its an alien city.(I started earning at the age of 16) For some reason I never found myself a stranger here. Local streets reminded me of my town back there, it was sec easy for me to spot the peculiar adrak chai, the local sabziwallahs sitting along roadside not just with veggies but also the dreams; still sparkling glory in their eyes...I am sure they must have come with an idea of not selling vegetables in Bombay. I at once understood that I belong to the same league and there will be times when I would relate to every other person I meet. Time and Streets were my best friends and I became too quick and smart to be overtaken by the struggles of the city; hence things like accomodation and food was never counted in the list only. I was clear in my brain- Home was where my bag was. The only new aspect that I discovered was after being asked to vacate a house on the grounds of being a Muslim. Identity did turn into Crisis but as usual I fought a way out. Today its an issue as minor as not getting a cup of tea at 4 pm. Things have changed! Mumbai has changed! The word Change has Changed too! The only that still lives now in its original state is the size of the fight....I dream...and hope to dream forever...

0 Hour

2009-11-26T03:24:00.000-08:00

They call it Zero Hour-----Mine has come! I am revisiting!

Just One Line

2009-10-26T03:56:00.000-07:00

I miss my friend. I want to cry---

2009-10-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

Getting drenched in acid rain, getting washed away, sipping tea from the little mud kulhad, playing my own strange guitar tunes without even knowing if anybody else around would be interested in my song, watching sparrows hop-skip-jump-fly, sitting on the rooftop looking at the sun through the red wine goblet, scribbling random words with an old fountain pen in an old notebook, playing with cocoa beans...thinking nothing- is what I miss. Life otherwise is almost perfect!

Something....

2009-03-23T03:42:00.000-07:00

Am I saying it best....when I am saying nothing at all?

Ctrl + F5

2008-10-21T04:39:00.000-07:00

For people who do not know me...
I don't do mornings; I don't do positive
I don't do thankful; I don't do meek.
So, If you think God moves in a mysterious way, you haven’t dealt with Ticketmaster!

دودج بها

2008-10-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

هل ترى أن هناك ، أن مكان مظلم ، خرب سارة الطباعة الخاصة بك؟ تريد ظلال رمادية مع التفاصيل الدقيقة ، ويبرز متوهجة ، لا شك أن ثقب حبري إلى اللون الأسود. لذا تقرر طبعها مرة أخرى ، دودج أن مكان مظلم مع يدك ، تتحرك بسرعة ، وبطريقة ماكرة ، للحد من الضوء الذي يسقط ، وحتى كبح الأسود. أن ينتشر عبر الصورة ، وتظهر بدلا من هذه التفاصيل تعلمون هناك ، تجاهل طويل جدا. ولكن الجديد الخاص بك طباعة بخيبة الامل. لا يوجد الرائعة الوحي. الظلام الفضاء ويبدو ببساطة خارج جرايد صمت للا يتعلق بالموضوع ، وترى أن خط خافتة ، اقول بين حكاية التوقيع على الانتقال من ناحية ' الإخفاء المتعمد. بعض الأماكن المظلمة هي فعلا مظلمة ، تعلمون ، ومنها ما هو في لا يمكن أن تهرب بعد جميع.

confession

2008-05-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

To be a Loner, To be crazy
To be Mad, To not being understood
To not intend to be understood
To not being loved
To be loved- materialistically, passionately
To not own a House, To hunt for a house
To not be paid in Seven Figures
To not have people around you
To being yourself in the crowd
To breathe and sustain myself in chaos
To not travel by a car
To Play guitar and singing autumn songs
To like rickshaw rides even when the world sleeps at night
To be afraid of vacuum, To love strangers in silence
To not smoke but to be a passive observer in smoke
To drink and get high soon after a gulp
To dance like nobody's watching and losing control
To let myself be free as the time flies by
To glance at open roads and making my own directions
To think of feathers and wings,
To wearing no ornaments but just a smile on my face
To miss everything---To miss nothing---
--- Is a great feeling nonetheless I am like you--a soul in search of sanity~

Intoxication!

2008-05-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

That which is Important for me because it is important for you would never be important to you! You would never understand me...I have given up! I never wanted to give up...I can still feel what I mean to you...and what You mean to me! Would you ever understand me? Would you ever understand what is important? Would you? Ever? It is just a bloody fucking race! It is just taking another shape! However, there is something that makes it special! Would you ever understand it? Would you for one last time understand the Importance of being important? Do you know what It means? Are you getting my point!! I have a suggestion..Why dont you give up, like me! For you I have given up...!!! Just that what has been and is important to me shall always be important!!! I understand! I have not yet given up! EveryBloody thing is important!! That which is here and all that is not around!

The archer shoots!

2008-05-27T00:39:00.000-07:00

شعرها حتى في المهر - الذيل هي المفضلة اللباس تعادل مع ان انحني اجلالا واكبارا.
الأب اليوم هو يوم في المدرسة ، وانها لا تستطيع الانتظار للذهاب.
ولكن بلدها الأم حاولت ان أقول لها ، انها على الارجح ينبغي ان البقاء في الوطن.
لماذا الاطفال قد لا تفهم ، اذا ذهبت الى المدرسة وحدها.
ولكنها لا يخشى : وقالت انها تعرف فقط ما يقولونه.
ما أقول زملاؤها على هذا الآب في اليوم. ولكنها لا تزال قلقة من والدتها ، لعدم تمكنها من مواجهة هذا اليوم وحده.
وهذا هو السبب مرة اخرى ، وقالت انها حاولت ان تبقى ابنتها في المنزل.
ولكن فتاة صغيرة يذهب الى المدرسة ، حريصة على ان يقول لهم جميعا.
عن ابي وقالت انها ترى أبدا ، أ ابي ابدا من يدعو.
كانت هناك الآباء على طول الجدار في الظهر ، للجميع لتلبية.
الاطفال التلوي الصبر ، قلق في مقاعدها.
واحدا تلو الاخر ودعا المعلم ، وهو طالب من الصف.
لعرض الاب ، كما مرت ثانية ببطء
المعلم في الماضي ودعا اسمها ، كل طفل تحول الى التحديق. كل منهم في البحث ، لرجل لم
يكن من هناك. "اين هي الأب في؟" وقالت انها استمعت الى فتى الدعوة.
"وقالت انها لا تملك على الارجح واحدة ،" وطالب آخر يتجرأ على الصياح.
Dedidation to all ....Up there..keep smiling!

Part 2.1

2008-05-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

ZERO HOUR REMEMBERED AGAIN!

If only life could be like that sometimes, just blurred at the edges, slightly out of focus, a tiny bit fogged and those people in my frame caught looking, harmless, like cartoon characters. There were surprises I couldn’t see when I snapped the shutter, guessing at focus, exposure—how the sun glows softly, and shadows spread like coffee, with all life’s multitude of grays shimmering like silk scarves and dance in summer’s breeze. Along the way, a moment shimmers into being, frames itself to image where I am. I see it in an instant, finding my aperture and shutter to best expose the secret unfolding in my lens in clearest hues of light and shadow. Here I discover....Some images are signposts, a mark of where I’ve been, and others, guides to where I’ve yet to go. Destination never was the point, for any line is many points each an opportunity to stop and turn and look at what I found and what finds me, along the way.It only matters how and not when or where or what I see.

In Bits and Pieces! My People!

2008-05-26T05:26:00.001-07:00

Date: 25th May, 2008

Place: Manushi's House, SDA, New Delhi

TIME: 05:00 PM

Rajni: Aap Kaun?

Safura: Safura! Manushi Hai?

Rajni: Haan, Baby ko Sula Rahi Hai! Aap Baithiye! (Smiles)

Manushi: Hi, Tu aa gayi! Happy Birthday! (Smiles) Tuktuki so gayi....

Blah...Blah.....Blah!

TIME: 05:40 PM

Manushi: Manu Bhai aa gaye! Manu Bhai ki Motor chali Tum Tum!

Manu Bhai: Hello Safura! Happy Birthday! Kitne saal ki ho gayi!

Manushi: Arrey..uska nahi; uske bhai ka birthday hai!

TIME: 05: 55 PM

Mohit: Hi!

Manushi: Oyee! Aur kaun hai! ....Tarun! (Hugs)

Tarun: Hello..Wassup?

Safura enters from Kitchen with her Cup of tea! Shouts; 'Patidev'!

Mohit: Main Aalo Bhujiya khaaounga! Bhook lagi hai yaar! Pls de de Safura baby...love you!

Safura: Kamine ho tum!

Tarun: Kitna khayega yaar!

Safura gets Aloo Bhujiya packet from the Kitchen! Passes it over to Mohit! Catch!!

Mohit: Thanks Safura, love you baby!

Safura: *Winks! Love you too Mohit!

Laughter.....and then Blah..Blah..Blah!

TIME: 06:15 PM

Shiuli: Happy Birthday!

Monica: Hi Baby! This is for you!

Safura: Wow! This is soo cute! Thanks

Manushi: Here comes the Baby! Tuktuki is here!

Safura: Tuktuki is going to play with Safura now! Hain na Baby!

Tuktuki: Quiet! Smiles! eee!

Ambica: Hi Safura! This is for Yasser!

Safura unwraps the gift and smiles!

Rushi: Hey Baby! Thats the Cake!

Safura: Thankew!

Kanika: Hey Baby!

Safura: Kahan thee tu!

Kanika: Kho gayi thee! Golden Dragon pahunch gayi thee!

Kanika Smiles, Kisses and Hugs!

Blah...Blah...Blah

TIME: 07:00 PM

Cake, Shawarma, Fish, Veg Fry, Potato Wafers, Bingo, Salad, Vodka, Beer, Coke, Nutcrackers! Candle! Smiles and Photos!

Blah....Blah...Blah!

TIME: 07:20 PM

Safura: Manu Bhai, Bombay mein Ghar dila do! Main soch rahi hoon, ek tent khareed loon!

Mohit in his Masterjee style apne mein mast! Smiling!

SMS' "Remember, Life's not worth it!.........way!"

SMS' "Arrite"

Monica: Yummy Cake!

Blah...Blah....Blah!

TIME: 09:00 PM

Tuktuki and Safura becoming the two babies and best friends!

Dance, Music, Beer!

TIME: 11:34 PM

Madhubala Discussion, Jhulka laughters, Priya, Dysentry talk, Breastfeeding Comments, World Cinema,Smiles....

Safura: Gaal mein dard ho raha hai! Ab mat hasaao!

Blah...Blah...Blah!

TIME: 12:30 PM

Place: Quiet Road

The Beautiful Roads of Delhi....Lights....Movement...Smiles...Gujju Rap...Ego Vs Jamia decision...Walk Vs Rickshaw Plan...Wisdom...Smiles and Goodbyes! The Sky above.. Miles!

Morning Sugar Plum!!!

Life is all kind to me! It has been a beautiful Journey! The center of my life...My Friends, My People! And I keep Learning! I remember..Life's not worth it!

Candle in the Wind

2008-05-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

Tiger, Tiger! Still Burning Bright! Happy Birthday

Cakes & Vodka

2008-05-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

I am high on many things! Its Danna's birthday Celebration! Long live my friends!

2008-05-15T05:54:00.000-07:00

I am mad! I am crazy! I love this world! I love LIGHT! I love darkness! I love the SUN that winks and disappears everynight just to smile at me again the next Morning. I love flying, I love clicking people, going places, I love mountains , I love adventure, I love the click of my Camera, the lens that shines! I love speaking my mind, I love writing my heart, I love reflection, I love shadows, I love Black, I love White, I love space, I love catching clouds! I love Energy! I love the atoms! I love this pleasant air! I love all that I haven't written! I love being mad in this mad mad world!

Finger Chips

2008-05-08T05:29:00.000-07:00

It doesn't really hurt when people sit and discuss me more than their own Lives! Surprisingly, I am able to be a subject of popular culture of this age. While writing this I can see many fingers pointing out at me already! At times, it is essential to leave a question mark, but then ofcourse the right place is not your face but their hung up minds! Its a pity if they cannot draw the line, yes, I am talking about personal space, the one that just belongs to you and the one that has no sign, no shadow! This is the only reason why they do not feel the need to respect or even understand its existence.

Chaos! Total Chaos! They are left confused, disturbed, blank. They laugh, they make fun of me for they love living lives of others and they try to know only the half of the history to get it confused with the other half. Pity again. It interferes with their ability to make decisions only to turn towards me and making me a sought-after subject of discussion and helping me be a part of the limelight! When they fail to sort out the mental conflict they make an imaginary escape out of the whole scene by raising their brows and pointing out their fingers at me! I just sit back and relax for I enjoy seeing the three dimensions, smelling the air, walking through the shadowed canyons of my brain, touching the rocks of my life and admiring the brilliant colors that keep me moving. Its a number game! Play safe! Just play! Trust me...It doesnt really hurt!

2008-05-04T05:16:00.000-07:00

A Dash- a Comma and a Full Stop! Did you get the point?
Alright.. I can see a Question mark too!

Rang Barse!

2008-03-22T07:56:00.000-07:00

Splendid Golden Hues. Yes I am talking about the Colors of Life!
Iredescent touches of wonder, Streaks of Dazzling violets and blues

Subdued or Vibrantly hued, of Joy and Mystery, of exhilaration!

Of midnight blue blacks and Cold whites

Of tints that surprises and Delights

Colors that shimmer amidst night skies

Like breathtaking sights of The Northern Lights

Of misty mute Black with silver sparkling through

A bit of Vibrant red and zesty orange, I am sure will do!

Colors......Colors and only Colors all the way!!!

Wishing A Very Colorful Holi to one & all!

Purple Song For my Friend!

2008-03-15T13:09:00.000-07:00

Where are you going I don't mind
I've killed my world and I've killed my time
So where do I go what do I see
I see many people coming after me
So where are you going to I don't mind
If I live too long I'm afraid I'll die
So I will follow you wherever you go
If your offered hand is still open to me
Strangers on this road we are on
We are not two we are one
So you've been where I've just come
From the land that brings losers on
So we will share this road we walk
And mind our mouths and beware our talk'Till peace we find tell you what I'll do
All the things I own I will share with you
If I feel tomorrow like I feel today
We'll take what we want and give the rest away
Strangers on this road we are on
We are not two we are oneHoly man and holy priest
This love of life makes me weak at my knees
And when we get there make your play'Cos soon I feel you're gonna carry us away
In a promised lie you made us believe
For many men there is so much grief
And my mind is proud but it aches with rage
And if I live too long I'm afraid I'll die
Strangers on this road we are on
We are not two we are one
------(KINKS) Dedicated to my dear friend!

Boondein...

2008-03-11T07:46:00.000-07:00

But what a shining animal is man, who knows, when pain subsides, that is not that, For worse than that must follow- yet can write, Music can laugh, play tennis and yet plan!

----Edna Millay

Baawra Munn Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna!

2008-03-07T11:23:00.000-08:00

Sun on the earth.....Sunflower!
Bird in the Air....Rain!
Eye within eye...Daybreak
Bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna...
Streets we have never walked on, Windows we have never opened,
Hands we have never held, Dreams we shall never, never see again!
Bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna, bavre se mann ki dekho,
Bavri hain baatein, bavri si dhadkanein hain, bavri hain saansein
Lives we have never lived, hopes we have never realized,fires we have never lit,
Laughs we shall never, never make again!
Bavra mann dekhne chala ek sapna...
I hear those strange whispers again....

----Hazaron Khwahishein Aisee

2008-03-06T10:13:00.000-08:00

March 06, 2008; Interior: Rani Castle; GK-Delhi
Time: 05:45 IST

Kaveri: You are not going today Safura! I cancelled my ticket for you Guys.
Kanika: We need to talk Safura! No, I think you should think more about this!
Karan: This chick is high on something! M sure!
Zulfi: Bevdi! Aur sab mujhe daarubaaz kahte hain!
Faraz: Mujhe lag raha hai tum mujhe koi number nahin dogi! Milte hain Mumbai mein!
Waseem Bhai: Kaisa hai Mera Baccha! Behad Romanchak! Aye Choti..Kaisee hai!
Safura: Mujhe yeh shoe accha lag raha hai!
Mohit: Aur main accha nahin hun?

Random...again!

2008-02-29T09:45:00.000-08:00

Date: 29 th February; Location: Karol Bagh, Delhi
Safura: Gaurav, what are we all running after?
Gaurav: Happiness! Thats what we are running after! Atleast..I am!

Zero Hour (Part II)

2008-02-11T06:22:00.000-08:00

If only life could be like that sometimes, just blurred at the edges, slightly out of focus, a tiny bit fogged and those people in my frame caught looking, harmless, like cartoon characters. There were surprises I couldn’t see when I snapped the shutter, guessing at focus, exposure—how the sun glows softly, and shadows spread like coffee, with all life’s multitude of grays shimmering like silk scarves and dance in summer’s breeze. Along the way, a moment shimmers into being, frames itself to image where I am. I see it in an instant, finding my aperture and shutter to best expose the secret unfolding in my lens in clearest hues of light and shadow.
Here I discover....Some images are signposts, a mark of where I’ve been, and others, guides to where I’ve yet to go. Destination never was the point, for any line is many points each an opportunity to stop and turn and look at what I found and what finds me, along the way.It only matters how and not when or where or what I see.

Laugh Along!

2008-02-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

A whole stack of memories never equal one little hope. And so if I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.

Charles M. Schulz

Here I am therefore; writing to be understood, speaking to be heard, reading to grow.

Ordinary Thoughts

2008-01-30T03:18:00.000-08:00

( Photo Courtesy: Safura Ubaid@ 2007)

There are a lot of things about the world that aren't as most of us would probably wish them to be. Why else do you think we're all working so hard to change it? There are some things we all need to learn to accept about reality. You often see people beating their heads against the wall of these facts, hoping the blood they see is coming from the wall, when they'd be better off working around it. There are some things we just can't change.

Okay, here they are.Most people will just do whatever the heck they wantAhh, other people. They can lift us up to the heights of ecstasy or send us into violent rages. Their influence on our lives is profound, so of course we want to exercise some level of control over them.

“Of all the things which wisdom provides to make life entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship", said Epicurus. John-Paul Sartre disagreed, concluding that: "Hell is other people".

People try all sorts of strategies to get power over those around them. They beg, threaten, persuade, attack, bargain and manipulate. All of these strategies can have some minor effect - but mostly other people have an annoying tendency to ignore us and simply do whatever they want. Any plans you make which involve convincing others to behave in some exact fashion are likely to fail spectacularly. Build in a wide margin of error for the unpredictability and sheer stubbornness of our fellow humans, We're all just stumbling around in the dark most of the timeOccasionally, I'll come across someone who thinks they've got a pretty good grip on what's going on around them. Teenagers have a real tendency to think they know it all, and some adults do also. What can be very amusing is the spectacular disasters such attitudes can bring upon those who have them.

It's as if the world is punishing them for their hubris.

Return to Innocence!

2008-01-30T01:40:00.000-08:00

Met a friend yesterday over a cup of coffee! Very cute, intelligent, thoughtful and someone who believes in Imagining to the extreme and beyond! Thats the spirit, I love! Here I am, dedicating this song to this stranger I met and who taught me wonderful things in whatever little time we spent together!

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion; Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion; Feeling - Emotion
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.
(Enigma; Return to Innocence)

And the learning Continues!

I write....

2008-01-25T11:03:00.000-08:00

People around ask all sorts of questions; primary being "Why do I write this blog?"

Here I am....giving you a hint of why I write.....
I write when I am certain of nothing, I write to erase..I write to shape...I write to me..I write to you...I write to imagine and that when this imagination makes me fool...I write because I am free..I write to breath..I write for no reason and thats when I have all the reasons to write!
I write in my mind....I write because the words talk to me....I write for my fingers.I write to realise that my universe is somewhere..I write to tell myself..that I belong to nowhere....and to Nobody! I write..because I belong to you!

So, I am again writing....writing abstract...writing random words...writing what I am quissentially; Unknown artist, black, air, memory, evolving, white, freedom, words, images, Color Purple, random thoughts, silver,meanings, people, silence, eyes, letting my hair fall, memory, reflection, instinct, karma, music, child woman, poem, living, lens, me, mud, water, Brush...space........

Me and my monopod!

2007-08-22T11:03:00.000-07:00

From the mountains my monopod remembers how to keep me upright along the way. It’s not a ladder or a cane, but a slender fulcrum to align each step, place my axis on the earth’s and so I spin in orbit all my own yet centered in the life around me.

I follow steepest grades, loose stones beneath my feet, past sharp rocks, holes that open into chasms, narrow passageways, along switch backs. I balance on a narrow log, plant my monopod on the far side. Then in a flash it holds my camera as a scene focuses around me.

With my Camera clipped on top, foot braced at bottom, I see the world center in my eye, edges pulsing back till I hold all light and shadow, framed and still. I fire the shutter, feel it sing in my blood, hum in my ears, till image fades, and my hand..my hand turns cold around my lens.

My camera stowed, I carry on, find an anchor in each step as best I can. I believe in what I see, how the power in my eye links me like a lens to a petal unfolding, snow sparkling on mountain peaks, tree rocketing towards the sky, those leaves dancing in the wind.

My monopod roots, blossoms, holds my camera, holds me steady. Here in the flat land and low lying valleys, I remember to tread carefully, plant myself firmly, camera ready at each moment along my way.

The Trip to Ranikhet!

2007-08-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

(Photo Courtesy: Safura Ubaid @ 2007)

A traveler always finds his or her destination. Probably because any new and unexplored place for them, is a destination. And it’s no different for me, a traveler packing my way to magical hidden places. My Destination was Ranikhet. Nesting in the lap of ranges is a town called Ranikhet. Besides the colorful culture of this town and the beautiful Flora there is something in the air around this town that exudes a magical secret dying to be let out. And that’s exactly what I and my sister Azka who happens to be my cousin went there for. After reaching Bhimtaal at 1600 hours we set out for a beautiful 4-hour drive to Ranikhet. There are no trains to Ranikhet; the most convenient is an overnight journey. Where one reaches in the wee hours of the morning. Enroute I also encountered some River (I am pretty bad with river names) and to sleep during the drive would’ve been such a waste. So we had our eyes open for beautiful hill slopes and the nine valleys almost 5000 ft above the sea level.

Lost in the purple reddish hue of midnight we reached the Windsor lodge, ITC’s well maintained cottage. After a warm shower and full dinner we called it a day, and retired to our respective rooms for a good night. Knowing fully well what is in each others mind? The morning! Morning after an early breakfast and a walk till the closeby Kerari Lodge we had a guide set for our trek to magic land- a beautiful meadow. Will 12 bottles of spring water and a few oranges in my small rucksack we started the trek cutting through the hill slopes, mostly taking the unbeaten path. With the early burst of spring the flowers were in full bloom and the smell of the pines was intoxicating. Breathless, more because of the beautiful jewels cradling in the arms of nature, than the climb, our first stop was at Fulani café where one can get everything from chocolate (Mars, Bounty, Snickers) to cigarettes (Camel, Marlboro), to juice and bottled water. The guy running this little shack shop belongs to a tiny village and runs this shop during summers. A noble profession it is quenching the thirst and hunger of wayfarers. Truly a Blessing!Moving upwards one can already see the peaks of the snow capped mighty Himalaya range. Another hour to reach and we’re charged with the sweet taste of the fresh breeze and the chocolate. As we climb up the last ridge and throw our bag and shoes in the grass what we witness takes all the fatigue away. At this proximity to nature, I assure you, everyone becomes a poet. Here’s an example; Glistening purity of nature, scattered lazily from heaven. Over the hills and far away.We were all speechless and look around as if for the first time a child witnesses a rainbow. After soaking in the majesty and beauty of the mountains we got conscious of our little tummies crying for a morsel! There are two shack shops providing sweet piping hot tea with a bowl full of Maggie to compliment our experience. Silently we ate and watched the patterns in the bluest sky with soft puffs of clouds, and the snow scattered in the hills also forming mysterious patterns.I realized the mortality of my life, and the petty thoughts I get myself entangled in. How small am I! There is so much more in this world, on our planet. So much mystery, so much magic that we as mere mortals will never be able to gain superiority over. And I’m glad for that. The sky gets clearer now; the peaks show themselves off with a hint of arrogance. The sun warmed my tired body and the cool wind soothed my soul. It was time to bid farewell. So, I got up to caress the beauty around me with one last glance and kiss the meadow goodbye humming to the tune of my guitar. Before climbing down we peeked in the lonesome forest rest house. 3 small wooden rooms with a make shift bathroom outside, without electricity supply, also makes an adventurous stay besides pitching a tent out side in the meadow. I see myself decent, more humble person with thoughts about my life drifting before me. One of those reflecting times, when I’m glad to be alive, glad about my existence. Grateful to be given an opportunity on this planet, grateful for the experience of this kind in Ranikhet.

And I remember a quote by Richard Bach; "Nothing happens by chance, my friend... No such thing as luck. A meaning behind every little thing; and such a meaning behind this. Part for you, part for me, may not see it all real clear right now, but we will, before long..."

~Unchained Melody~

2007-06-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

What is that makes you think.... I make assumptions! May be you do...
What is that makes you believe....I crib! May be you do..........
What is that makes you analyse...I am tensed! May be you are......
What is that makes you say 'you may leave for home'......May be theres no home.....
I struggle to bring clarity.....to what awaits me there!
And yet that "weak" illusion fades before my stare!
What, if this happens to you.....I hope it never does.
For I know...there wont be anything, just the guilt and dry words!
Perhaps I make it tougher... than it has to be sometimes.....
I wonder if this search brings with it some meaning overtime!
May be..I am right! May be..I am wrong!
Who cares to listen.....Its just another song!

Random lines.....

2007-05-22T02:59:00.000-07:00

Hear me! Hear me! Gather round.
The road to freedom's now been found.
All I wanted was to get my journey there
That which is free...That which is fair!

The route is long and may be rough.
I am so prepared, I am being so tough!
Come all my past that wishes to be
In better states, I will set myself free.

The age old search I haven't yet achieved.
It must be done to be believed!
The road is wide and takes me there,
That which is free...and so I call it Fair!!!

Caaravaan!!

2007-03-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

tâ man be-dîd-am rôy-é tô, ay mâh-o sham`-é rôshan-am, har jâ neshîn-am khurram-am, har jâ raw-am dar golshan-am, har jâ khayâl-é shah bow-ad bâgh-o tamâshâ-gah bow-ad, dar har maqâmê ke raw-am bar `ishratê bar mê-tan-am, dar-hâ agar basta shaw-ad z-în khânaqâh-é shash-darî, ân mah-é rô az lâ makân sar dar kon-ad dar rawzan-am "yeh jo zindagi hai...koi Daastaan hai...kab hoga kya..yeh khabar kahan hai "

IF....

2007-03-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

(Photo Courtesy: Safura Ubaid @ 2006)
IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,'
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Phir harif-e` bahar ho baithe.......

2007-03-22T08:24:00.000-07:00

'Men' said the little prince, crowd into express trains without knowing what they are looking for. So they become agitated and rush round in circles.......' After a pause, he added..'It is not worth the trouble'

(Excerpt from Chap 25, "The Little Prince")

Laugh....till you die!

2007-03-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

Laugh for Now, Laugh for Then
Laugh for Today, Laugh for Tomorrow
Laugh On Yourself, Laugh on Them
Laugh On the World......
Just Laugh.....
'Coz when you will weep, you will weep Alone.....

~A note for myself~

2007-03-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

Silence.............at times Kills Brain cells!! And this process of realisation has just begun.......

Zero Hour!

2007-03-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

My imagination makes me human and makes me a fool; it gives me all the world and exiles me from it.
(Ursula K. Le Guin)

Song of the Dawn

2007-03-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the outhouse, the child sings a slow song. August in the hills, melts her mother's face, There the Mother lies in darkness, crying while sunlight burnishes the grass. In a kitchen corner,the child's shoes gather dust. Two sides of each cube grooved so the blocks lock together So abstract, the twiggy letters shape no clue to sound
And yet, she sings just for that moment.

Manifesto!

2007-03-10T22:45:00.000-08:00

Mujhe Roko~Kay Meray Lab Hain Azaad ~Par Koi Nahin Saath
Kay Main Hoon Azaad ~Ho Meray Dil Main Hai Aag
Ab Koi Nahin Saath ~Hai Kaali Yeh Raat
Mujhe Roko ~Mere Sar Pay Junoon ~ Ho Meri Aankhon Main Khoon
Mujhe Aaye Na Sukoon
Mainay Todi Zanjeer ~ Mera Dil Hai Azaad
Meray Dil Main Junoon ~Yeh Joshila Hai Khoon
Meri Apni Zameen ~Mujhe Is Par Sukoon!!

(Noori)

~ The Eye Factor ~

2007-03-10T07:27:00.000-08:00

(Photo Courtesy: S. Das)
Why Do you stare like that? Just because I can see all! Or is it because I can sing unlike you!
Is it owing to the fact that I dont smile but laugh! (Do I really need to Giggle) Or the fear in your heart that I might burst out with what you are scared of. Is it the insecurity you possess....Is it the simplicity you lack...Is it the Skin that you think might just fade off someday......Is it the Dust around you that makes you feel uncomfortable coz someday life will be Dust to Dust.....Ashes to Ashes!

Why do you stare like that? Just because ....I can see the blood running in your body....Just as mine! Is It the "Eye Factor".

A Hot Noon @ Delhi

2007-03-09T03:11:00.000-08:00

Is it Just about being wild, Just about Holding on, Just about belonging to the soil, Just about being seeing by the Flickering forge Light! Is it Just about existing? Is it Just about writing? Is it Just about walking in this Mad Mad World!

Celebrating Woman and Heroine'

2007-03-08T08:22:00.000-08:00

8th March 2007. Woman's Day as the world celebrates, marked my morning with the usual morning cup of tea. Worried since days about my sister's accidental injuries, I decided to take a break and went on to India International Centre along with Pearl to watch the special Film Screenings. When we reached there, the screenings had already begun nevertheless we were lucky enough to have a chance of entering in the middle of Nishta Jain's '6 Yards to Democracy'.

Followed by a short break was the screening of "Live Containers" a film by Orzu Sharipov. Live Containers talks about how economic hardship and political chaos have led many Tajik women to become out of sheer necessity "live containers", smuggling heroin inside themselves. It is narrated so beautifully showing the rough side of lives of women in prison.These women, who led ordinary lives yesterday, could not possibly be called criminals for what they did was out of sheer poverty and a struggle to survive. Despite their sincere repentance and their joy at being liberated, there is no guarantee that life will not make them go down this terrible path again. Watching those pretty faces of all ages going through all that moved me so much that I almost cried. Sometimes, pictures dont get over your eyes.......and this one hasn's got over. The film had a nice , infact very lovely musical score, Tajik Song woven in a delicate rythm that pleaded and needed our attention or should I say, my attention. M sure, all real women inside the IIC Auditorium would have thought about the wives, mothers, sisters and daughters who were Living Containers. I just hope.....they did.

I did....and I am still there.....murmuring the tune.....! They were the 'Heroic' women afterall!

Each Life.....

2007-03-07T08:40:00.000-08:00

Each Life Converges to some Centre—Expressed—or still—Exists in every Human Nature- A Goal—Embodied scarcely to itself—it may be—Too fair For Credibility's presumption-To mar—Adored with caution—as a Brittle Heaven—To reach Were hopeless, as the Rainbow's Raiment To touch—Yet persevered toward—sure—for the Distance—How high—Unto the Saint's slow diligence—The Sky—Ungained—it may be—by a Life's low Venture—But then—Eternity enable the endeavoring Again.

-Emily Dickinson